Monday, October 6, 2008

Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Yes, the American people have learned from experience that it's not the content of your resume but the quality of your character that will make you a good president.

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Saturday, October 4, 2008

Vote Goya: 11 reasons why

Why are we voting for Goya in 2008?
  1. Washington outsider
  2. Young and attractive
  3. Foreign policy experience: has eaten Mexican, Indian, Chinese, Thai, Italian, Jewish, Japanese, Korean, Peruvian, Jamaican, Polish, Spanish, and Afghani food
  4. Health care plan: free vets for everyone . . . it's better than what we have now . . Dental consists of a rawhide for every American
  5. Lactose intolerant: no worries of tainted Chinese milk, and angry about tainted pet food
  6. Homeland security: barks loudly
  7. In touch with the people: started life as an orphan, adopted by struggling artists
  8. Fitness: four walks a day, minimum, for all Americans
  9. Family values: likes to cuddle, eat around the table
  10. Economical: never lets scraps go to waste
  11. Feel good: believes in love and licks above all else

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Sarah Palin: One on One with Poli Tsk Tsk Tsk

Sarah Palin was generous enough to lend 10 minutes to me following last night's debate for some commentary on her performance. A complete transcript follows below.

Q: Gov. Palin, it seems that you have trouble forming sentences. Would you talk about your oratory in tonight's debate?

A. You know, David, on Main Street Alaska far away from Wall Street corruption where the outsiders, sentence completion is an East Coast liberal with a hockey stick not for the American people with their taxes prepared drilling for H&R block. As governor with change around the kitchen sink with homosexual choice for pregnant daughters. I would appreciate it if, like Ronald Reagan, you not insert Barack Obama punctuation into the transcription of. Every day American people, and that's what we're looking for.

Q. On that note, will you talk about how you prepared for this debate?

A. When I was growing up as a little boy in Scranton, Pennsylvania, Osama Bin Laden went to Africa where he encountered a tax collector who refused to leave any child behind in the hands of health care professional where it really counts.

Q. But Joe Biden is from Scranton. You're from Alaska.

A. And God bless him, gosh darn it, why dontcha? I'll get back to you on that one.

Q. OK . . . Uh, in your interviews with Katie Couric, you had trouble coming up with words. Tonight you proved that you can put words together, though some are already commenting that all you did was recite talking points unrelated to the questions asked. Can you comment on this?

A. Well, you can tell that I'm a Washington outsider because I don't know what in Almighty you're talking about. What I do know is that my dad is here in the audience (*wink*) and I just want to say hello to health care reform that we need financial crisis megachurch drill baby drill for education liberals increase taxes, folksonomy maverick, gee whiz. Next?

Q. One question the moderator didn't ask was about your support of Wasilla regulations that required rape victims to pay for their own rape kits. Would you care to set the record staight on that?

A. Ho boy, I'm glad you asked that one. I just want to give a shout out to all my crazy bitches in Mista Snoops third grade class. I know you're getting extra credit for watching tonight.

Q. And just to be clear, would you comment on how John McCain's plan to fund health care by taxing health care benefits will lead to more people being insured?

A. That's the tax and spend liberals again. You know, David, when Ahmedinejahd attacks the Jews at Columbia University, Nancy-would-you-know-it, we won't be talking about the uninsured, we'll be talking about the babies burning in holy hellfire, but at least we made the right choice, dang skippy.

Q. Is there anything about the debate that you'd like to say to the American people before we wrap up?

A. The Jews are our friends.  Please don't kill them.  And if you're going to have sex, please don't use a condom, which interferes with God's plan for all of us, which does not include the choice of evolution.  Vote Palin-McCain for change. Especially if he goes to heaven.  And no, I'm not a puppet or a shill for the far right